I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.

If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.