I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works; technology evolves and slowly there are a few things you can't work; at the end, you don't know how anything works.