I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?