I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.