Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."

Men who write love letters don't live in this century.

When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.

After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.