Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.