Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we're covered. He tells me who's in the movie and I tell him what's in his sandwich. Together we're human bifocals.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.

All men would still really like to own a train set.

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.