Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.