I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.
There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.