In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Cats are a waste of fur.

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.