All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.

Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

I knew so little about money I used to sign my check, "Love, Rita."

Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.