I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.