I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.

Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.