A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom; it just doesn't work.

I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.