I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.