In high school I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun. That may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.