The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

Cats are a waste of fur.

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat."

Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.