The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

I paid attention to not being a comedian, and just concentrated on being who I was. That is what you have to do. If you say you are a comedian that has been done before. If you just be who you are then you are unique. Everyone is unique.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.