I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

In high school I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun. That may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.