Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.