My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?