The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom; it just doesn't work.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.