The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.