Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.

My Vegas act is how I make my money.

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat."