Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.