Cats are a waste of fur.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.