Cats are a waste of fur.

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."