Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.