When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat."