When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

Cats are a waste of fur.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.