I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

In high school I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun. That may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.