Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it's just right, they're watching TV.

My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

Cats are a waste of fur.

There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.