Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

I paid attention to not being a comedian, and just concentrated on being who I was. That is what you have to do. If you say you are a comedian that has been done before. If you just be who you are then you are unique. Everyone is unique.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.