The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.