The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we're covered. He tells me who's in the movie and I tell him what's in his sandwich. Together we're human bifocals.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.