The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.