I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.

Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.