They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.