After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.