After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.

I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.