I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.