I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.