Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.

Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.