I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.

I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.