I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.