I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'