My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.