My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.