My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.

... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works; technology evolves and slowly there are a few things you can't work; at the end, you don't know how anything works.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.