I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".

Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.

I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.