If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.

Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.