There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.

Eye contact is a method utilised by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Many women find it difficult to look a man directly in the eyes, not because of shyness, but because a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.

All men would still really like to own a train set.