I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.

I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.

I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying