I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.

My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.