I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it's just right, they're watching TV.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying

I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.