My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it's just right, they're watching TV.
Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.