We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".

Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.