I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat."

I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.