I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.

The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.

Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.