Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?