Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.