I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it's just right, they're watching TV.

Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"