I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.
Rita RudnerThe logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.
Rita RudnerBuying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?
Rita RudnerOh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.
Rita Rudner