I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

Never take candy from strangers.