Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him