Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
Rita RudnerMen are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.
Rita RudnerAll men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
Rita RudnerAt the end of every year, I add up the time that I have spent on the phone on hold and subtract it from my age. I don't count that time as really living. I spend more and more time on hold each year. By the time I die, I'm going to be quite young.
Rita Rudner