All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

Never take candy from strangers.

Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.