Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".

Eye contact is a method utilised by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Many women find it difficult to look a man directly in the eyes, not because of shyness, but because a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works; technology evolves and slowly there are a few things you can't work; at the end, you don't know how anything works.

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.