A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.

I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

I knew so little about money I used to sign my check, "Love, Rita."

Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.