A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works; technology evolves and slowly there are a few things you can't work; at the end, you don't know how anything works.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.