I paid attention to not being a comedian, and just concentrated on being who I was. That is what you have to do. If you say you are a comedian that has been done before. If you just be who you are then you are unique. Everyone is unique.

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.