I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom; it just doesn't work.
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'