Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.