Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying

My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.